The 5 Stages of Allergies





Inspired my all-time favorite comedian, Gabriel Iglesias, I’ve decided to group my allergies into 5 stages.

1.     Itchy
2.     Piggy
3.     Drippy
4.     Sickly
5.     DAMN

The first stage, Itchy, is pretty minimal. This is when you see a cat thirty feet away and just rub your tongue against the roof of your mouth just thinking about the allergies. This is the stage when you might be trying to itch the inside of your ears, maybe a few itchy spots on your body, but totally doable. Compared to what you could be feeling, you feel great!

Piggy is stage two. That’s when the itching sets in deeper. All allergy sufferers I’ve met know how to make a special, secret noise that non-allergy sufferers can’t make. It’s like a secret handshake! Except you do it by yourself. And it’s sad. It’s the noise you make when you’re using your tongue to itch the back of your throat and you’re creating suction back there, then air seeps back in. Am I describing that well? It happens when you itch your soft palate. Oftentimes, it’s accompanied by sticking your finger in your ear for more itching power. Usually, Piggy starts when post-nasal-drip sets in. This means you’re also starting to go through your tissue boxes quickly. At this point, you’re inconvenienced because you can’t make the piggy noise in public so you just have to deal with the itch.

Drippy is when your allergies feel like a bad cold. During this stage your nose runs, your eyes run, sometimes you even sweat. Your body is wiped out and you’re exhausted. On top of everything from the first two stages, you might feel nauseous from the mucus in your stomach. You’re also sick of blowing your nose (which is raw) so you just lay in bed holding a tissue over your nose to catch the dripping. Your head is probably throbbing and you just want to pass out and wake to a new day…


The fourth stage is Sickly. If you’re thinking, “just kill me now” you’re probably in this phase. Your eyes are so swollen, red, and dry that you can’t keep them open. Your nose is so raw it’s going to fall off, which is fine because you’ve given up on the possibility of ever getting to breathe through it again. You’ve itched your throat so much that it hurts to swallow and you think you make have cuts in your ears from your fingernails. Your stomach is past nausea and has moved onto painful bloating and gas. IBS has probably set in by now which is causing cramping. Depending on what’s setting off your allergies, you may have developed hives and/or eczema. The worst part? You know that it’s going to take days or weeks to recover when you’ve gotten this far.

DAMN. You’re in anaphylactic shock. Go to the hospital.


These are my five stages, yours may look different so I’m curious to know if yours are similar! Currently I’m in Itchy bordering Piggy. I’ve been in Piggy all day so pulling back to Itchy is a wonderful reprieve!

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